Emotional Breakdowns Pair Well with Korean Fried Chicken {11/22/18} NSLI-Y AY

11/22/18 Thursday

Thursday started off like any other day; however, it ended with some quality time with good friends~ At school, nothing extraordinary happened. I took notes in AP World History and sneaked in some Korean homework in for good measure. {Which is somewhat of a lie? There was really no hiding what I was doing… but I had a workbook to finish.} During Art, we worked on our books and wow, I am so bad at drawing… never realized how bad I was. My teacher came over and complimented my Korean writing {most likely cause she knew she couldn’t lie to me and say something about my drawings}. I’m not sure when our books are due… but there’s no way I’m finishing mine outside of class. I have no desire to do that.

For lunch, Katie and I ate with Corey and Andrew in the teacher’s lunch room which was pretty awkward! Everyone was looking at us. And, at first, I believed it was because we were the obvious foreigners. This definitely did add to the stares, but then I also realized that we are probably the only students that have ever infiltrated their space? I wouldn’t think many Korean students eat with the teachers… I can’t imagine that at all.

Anyway, lunch was really nice. We got to joke around more with the teachers and talk about anything and everything. It was definitely better than sitting alone. We lost track of time and had to rush to the bus stop. Luckily, we made it just in time!

And though I try not to be negative— or uncharacteristically negative… this following part of this blog post will be quite personal and not the most positive.

Korean class today was a mess.

I felt incompetent.

So much so that it brought me to tears—literally.

Let’s talk about it.

Class started off fine. We were supposed to have a quiz on chapter 4 & 5 from the textbook so I had stayed up pretty late studying grammar and spent a lot of my morning memorizing two Quizlet sets {both with 80 something words}. When I got to class, Jacquelyn and Josh started telling me that there was no quiz because we didn’t finish the culture part of the chapter. I just stood there letting them figure themselves out. I didn’t want to seem rude, so I didn’t point out the fact that we have a syllabus and 퀴즈 (quiz) is very clearly written on today’s date.

Jacquelyn told the teacher that she and Josh didn’t prepare; the teacher decided to push the quiz back to Monday because of this reason. I’m going to be honest: I didn’t mind the quiz being pushed back. That’s more study time for me, too! However, I had a problem with the teacher not even saying anything about the fact that they should have checked the syllabus… good on me for studying… and good on them because they get rewarded with a postponed test. I’m not really angry, but I was kind of disappointed on how the situation was handled. And, they would probably feel the same way if it was them in my shoes. I didn’t and don’t want them to get in trouble but… sigh… does this make any sense?

The first half of the class turned out to be pretty good. Because I had studied the vocab words from the chapter in preparation for the quiz, I was able to understand more of what was happening in class than normal. I was able to bring up these words in examples and it was nice knowing their meaning ahead of time.

But then 민정쌤 came in to observe our class and take notes. It really wasn’t a big deal that she was in there… but then we had to read this passage about 한자 (Chinese characters– borrowed Korean words from Chinese characters) and honestly, those cultural paragraphs are always a hit or miss for me— either I understand them or I literally have no idea what is going on. Also—though this is on me too—when I read aloud, it is really difficult for me to get the meaning of what I’m reading because I’m too caught up with how I sound: pronunciation, speed, etc. I was reading the part that I was called to read and struggling through every other word it seemed. At one point, I went back and started reading a line I already had read. I was trying to combine one half of a word with the first word on the previous line which did not work because I don’t think it was even grammatically correct. However, my teacher assumed I didn’t know what I was doing {which I mean in part, I didn’t} so she continued reading my part but instead of helping me with the first half she slowly finished the entire last sentence of the paragraph. And I know she didn’t mean to make me feel horrible… but she did. In a way, I felt mocked? I was so embarrassed. As my teacher was explaining something on the board after my reading, I had to keep my nose down in the textbook to keep myself from crying or showing the others that tears were welling up in my eyes. When Jacquelyn read the last paragraph, I was also fighting back tears. Why am I so emotional? If it was anyone else, they could laugh and try to explain they were reading the wrong line… but no not me— I just cry about everything !!!

민정쌤 left the room and it was break time eventually. I immediately left that classroom and ran down the stairwell to the first floor. I stayed in the “lobby” for a bit and quietly cried but it was all still too much. I ran outside and in front of the Better World Door, I cried. I burst out in tears and cried— no soft, cute, silent crying here. It was loud, depressing, and snotty. I was a mess. I tried calming myself down by pacing back on forth on the front step which eventually worked to soothe my nerves. I couldn’t believe I had just cried so much— in public too.

When I got back inside, Josh asked if I was okay… I told him I just needed fresh air. Later that day, he told me he saw me outside on my phone. I realized that he might have seen me crying? Possibly? I’m hoping that that wasn’t the case. Don’t need another reason to be embarrassed!

I carried on the for the rest of the class and was ready to leave after 4 somewhat painful hours of Korean. I met up with Kaitlyn, Josh, and Liam to buy a birthday gift for Katie and to get dinner. We stopped at Blanc Bakery where I bought a chocolate strawberry cake so that Katie could have a slice at our after-school study session at Two-Some. We also went to Artbox where I bought this cute notebook, a lock for our shared locker, and things to wrap the gift with.

For dinner, Josh, Liam, and I went and ate some chicken. We went to this one restaurant because this lady was really friendly when giving out free samples in front of her restaurant. We figured we’d come back and support her business; however, we realized soon after that… the treatment was not special. A group of Eastern Europeans came in and they were like “We came back!” We also saw a small group of foreigners next to us too. We concluded that we were not unique, and she is just extra friendly with foreigners to get them to eat at the restaurant.

The food was good though; we ordered a curry chicken platter? Honestly it was interesting because I’ve only ever had curry with rice… not chicken tenders or French fries. It was good though! After eating, the boys had their “second dinner” of lamb “kebabs.” {I put Kebabs in quotation marks because the lamb was given to them in what seemed to be flour tortillas? Burrito much? Not on a stick like a traditional kebab. Unless that’s how the Turkish do it? No too sure…} We walked around 홍대 for a bit together before it got pretty late, and then I came home.

I also played with homemade slime for a bit with my younger host sister ❤

It was pretty late and I was too tired to do anything really productive… I think I made a Quizlet? I went to bed early and enjoyed the peace before the study grind that would occur the following day { for the unit/end of month exam!}

That’s all for this blog post~ I hope you enjoyed!

• Emma 엠마